Monday, June 02, 2008

TIMELESS MANLINESS

This is a British publication and they fail to understand that a devotion to soccer is unmanly. Further, Britain is a post-marriage society and the failure to marry also makes males boys forever. Finally, there is nothing wrong with credit cards.

Other than that this article explains in minute detail what is wrong with much of the world today. As a little boy Popeye was my favorite cartoon character. My first automobile was a Ford Granada (see cars) and I have ever been a Ford man. My culinary skills match, though may not exceed, those described here. The places I lived prior to my marriage were decorated in the style approved by this article. I have even had a girl friend present me with a whip of just the type pictured with Indiana Jones with this article. In short, if we are done with all these weeping men, feeling your pain and mooning about it can never be too soon for me.

I now hand the commentary over to the other folks on this site who, I am reliably informed, have actually put curtains up in their apartments unprompted by a woman (except for CRH). I will say this whatever there other transgressions none of the folks on this site have ever been huggers much to my eternal relief.

5 comments:

J. said...

Thank you for that link, JJV! I will have to forward that article to all of my female friends so we can discuss it ad nauseum. ; )

Just one thing, my mind is also focused on the important things in life: sex, beer, football. Does that make me a man?

lietzy said...

This, from a country that gave us Hugh Grant? Puh-lease. More British insufferability. Let us count the ways in which this is plain hogwash:

1. Any time spent watching or thinking about football (either American or soccer) is time that could be better spent thinking about beer and sex.
2. George Clooney has more "product" in his bathroom than the cosmetics counter at Bloomingdales (and gets manicures to boot), and I don't think he is hurting for female attention.
3. Men who don't learn to cook are at home being fed by their mommies while real men are wooing women with succulent meats, decadent sauces, and sinful desserts that they lovingly and skillfully prepared.
4. Men who don't listen to women are men who like to spend time cataloging their action figure collections.
5. If I am more likely to get a little somethin' somethin', I'll attend a triple feature of "Sex in the City," "Sleepless in Seattle," and "Love Story."
6. Fords suck it, especially the POS Fords mentioned in this article. If you are truly going to be a retrosexual, buy a pickup truck, loser.
7. Any person who would bother to calculate precisely 5% above the speed limit (no more, no less! Tee hee) is a prissy, fussy, English poofter. Be a real man, and drive as fast as you can at all times without getting a speeding ticket (and if you do get a speeding ticket, so what -- show up in court and deny, confuse, and make counter accusations).
8. Real men give big old bear hugs to anyone and everyone without reservations. Confused closet homosexuals worry about whether or not hugging is too gay.
9. Rod Stewart as a paragon of manly retrosexuality? Have I told you lately that I love you, you namby boy?
10. Living in complete squalor is not attractive to anyone, other than arrested adolescents. Grow up, Lost Boys, clean your flat, hang a poster, light a candle, and maybe you won't grow so much hair on your palms.

J. said...

Lietzy, you make me weak in the knees. That's what I call a real man!

stephanie (bad mom) said...

This was delightfully amusing (have I already used too many words?).

For the record, I have almost as much sex on the brain as my man (see my frequent posts on the Grocery Store Hottie) and far more [American] football. Beer I still hate, however.

In the end, I pretty much agree - #1 on my Second Husband List is Mark Wahlberg, who would likely kick my ass if I presented him with a moisturizer.

Dave S. said...

I just remembered that you drove a Pontiac or some such GM brand in college, and I have extraordinarily indirect photographic evidence (by your own hand!) to prove it.