You'd Think Eternal Life Would Give Time to Develop Self-Awareness

I read this recent archaeological news but got a headache from all the head-slapping. To summarize, Bulgarian archaeologists found a couple of graves of people who had been considered vampires according to the culture of the time and place (Bulgaria in the Middle Ages), and a local expert noted this was a fairly common occurrence and people shouldn't get

WAIT LET'S ASK A VAMPIRE WHAT HE THINKS HIS NAME IS "MERTICUS" AND TEN BUCKS SAYS HE'S WEARING A CAPE AND HAS FILED HIS TEETH BUT ANYWAY LET'S DEVOTE MORE SPACE TO HIM THAN THE MERE ARCHAEOLOGIST WOO VAMPIRES YEAH!!!

Sorry. But when ABC News runs with the phrase "modern vampires" with no modifiers like "cosplaying" my inner Van Helsing is released.

Merticus, get some sun and put down the Anne Rice. ABC, get some copy editors. I'll bet there's some folks out there looking for night work.