Saturday, August 16, 2008

OK, You Can Give Up on This Particular Bigfoot

Apparently the frozen Bigfoot is, well, not a Bigfoot. It joins the set of things that are not Bigfoot, which consists of everything in the universe, so at least it's got company.

The DNA test revealed that whatever was in the freezer was 96% possum, leading to this shrewd observation:
Bigfoot creatures are said to live in the forests of the U.S. Pacific Northwest. An opossum is a marsupial about the size of a house cat.
What the mainstream media fails to note is that possums live in the forests of the Pacific Northwest (or at least I think they do), so clearly they are hiding something here.

Naturally, the guy with the most to gain from this is crying foul and claims lab contamination. Unfortunately, as the press conference was held during the day, the lab scientists could not be reached for comment, as they were hanging upside down from trees by their tails, fast asleep.

Update: JJV gets field promotion from comments:
Big Foot is notoriously crafty at concealing his whereabouts. He is obviously just playing possum.

3 comments:

jjv said...

Big Foot is notoriously crafty at concealing his whereabouts. He is obviously just playing possum.

Anonymous said...

I am mortified that JJV beat me to that line, almost as much as I am that there is no Bigfoot. Next thing you'll be telling us, Dave, is that scientists have discovered there is no Santa Claus.

(Btw, just because they may not have big feet does not mean that opossums are not dangerous. Those suckers are MEAN.)

Melanie said...

I think we should cut these guys some slack. Who among us hasn't cleaned out the freezer and discovered something at least 96% possum?