Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Happy Hour Chronicles, No. 13: A Primer on Raging

I am, perhaps, not the most respectful party guest. I think this comes from a lifetime of exposure to movies depicting the virtues of the prototypical raging party. As an example pulled sheerly from the air, I'll throw out the party from Sixteen Candles, which culminated in a seriously trashed house and some memorable quotes from Long Duk Dong, the most G-rated of which you can review here.

All the same, I should be thankful that I've never attended such a party, because the natural, non-cinematic result seems to be much closer to this recent get-together in East Bridgewater, Massachusetts. To recap, parents in Paris and $45,000 in estimated damage to the house. For some perspective, this undated and unsubstantiated but official appearing webpage reports that $45,000 is over one-quarter of the average home sale price in East Bridgewater. This is an ideal scenario for testing the mettle of an insurance carrier, especially the part about the owners' son letting in the party guests.

Maybe the best aspect of the article, though, is the superlative work put in by the reporter, who must be part criminal prosecutor and the remainder ninja inquisitor. Out of over 50 attendees, four kids aged 16-18 face charges. From two of the four accused, the reporter extracted some fantastic quotes. From one, for example: "I jumped up. Everyone jumped and hit the ceiling. When I hit the ceiling, I made a big hole." From the second: "It was pretty out of hand. Pretty much everyone was drinking." Indeed. You know, the fact that the "right to remain silent" is placed right up front allows people with ADHD to tune out after that. I guess some folks are a lost cause.

For happy hour this Friday, April 2, we celebrate Dave P's return from his duty abroad. He'll resume his rightful place as happy hour czar for at least a few weeks. In his honor, please consider raising a glass with him at the 51st State Tavern, located at 2512 L Street, NW, near the Foggy Bottom Metro station. 51st State boasts 16 beers on tap, including Dogfish Head 60-minute IPA to appease CRH. We'll start at 6:30. I also note, however, that this is Good Friday, and I have a stop to make on the way there. If I can't make it until 8:45 or 9:00, can I rely on a few folks to be still raging within the bounds of the law?


J. said...

I will miss your Happy Hour blog posts, JWT. Each one makes me want to motor to DC (and regret the fact that I went to an all-female college in a dry town -- WTF was I thinking?!).

As for the movie references, I have two words for you: Risky Business. (You boys didn't happen to run a brothel out of your parents or a friend's house did you?) Loved that movie. And, as it so happens, Guido the Killer Pimp is a neighbor -- and my daughter is friends with his daughter. (Should I be worried?)

Looking forward to my next Happy Hour, whenever it may be...

EMM said...

Those kids are wicked retarded.

I will be there on Friday. While I can't promise Granville's HH departure time, I will put in extra effort to stay out late.


JWT said...

J--Alas, I've never run in prostitute circles, but the book isn't closed on putting a sports car in a lake. Porsche. There is no substitute.

EMM--I won't hold it against you if you have to go. There are others who should accept this challenge.

EMM said...

I am a professional. Not THAT kind of professional, although I DID live above a brothel for about a year. See you tomorrow, even if it is just to pass the baton.

Powaqqatsi said...

Having enjoyed the 80 degrees clear blue skies cherry blossom awesomeness downtown yesterday, I must point out that a pre or post HH stroll/metro to enjoy the blossoms would only enhance the call to this week's HH.