Last Sunday Laura graciously consented to watching the Nats-Phillies game while we ate a late dinner after tucking the kids in for the evening. As occasionally happens, Fiona wandered back downstairs and snuggled down for a bout of bedtime procrastination. At that moment Jayson Werth came up to bat and got the usual warm welcome Philly fans reserve for him (and Santa Claus*). Fiona was a bit taken aback and asked why everyone was booing. My response was basically as follows:
"Jayson Werth used to play for Philadelphia so the fans are booing him because Philadelphia fans are awful people."
This drew a look of surprise from Laura, who lived in Philly for a few years (but was never a Phillies fan, because she is not an awful person), so I elaborated.
"When Jayson Werth broke his wrist in a game against the Phillies in Nationals Park, the Phillies fans in attendance cheered as he was taken off the field. These are awful people. That is the objective truth."
I have to say that was one of my prouder moments as a father. We get so few opportunities to impart the wisdom of the ancients, so when the stars/children/sporting events align like that we must act on our responsibility to the young to remind them that we have always been at war with the Phillies and their objectively awful fans.
*Yeah, that's old stale news, but 1) look at the subhead of this blog and 2) screw Philly fans, they own that.