My Definition of a Boombastic Theology

As many of my friends know I was raised Roman Catholic and was by most metrics a "good Catholic" through high school. Hell Heck, I was even an altar boy for six years or so and appear to have dodged a bullet in the process, perhaps the only benefit of profound acne in those years. The worst side effects for me of being an altar boy were crushed hands and often successful attempts to make me laugh during the shake-hands part (they changed the liturgy in the last 40 years so I have no idea what they call it now) on the part of my friends, several of whom were themselves altar boys so see you next Sunday Mike. I'll be sure to be on the aisle.

Toward the end of that time, though, I was on the way to lapsedness, with Father Orlando's sermons centered primarily on our temporal shortcomings in re the weekly collection. College got me the rest of the way, although my last confession was to the Bishop of Rochester at my confirmation so I feel that carries some weight.

All of this is to say that I carry a fair amount of vestigial theology with me, at least a frame of reference if not its actual contents of belief, faith etc.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT. (Parishioners shift expectantly in their pews, prodding their neighbors who have nodded off)

I do not personally believe in the existence of Heaven or Hell, but I sincerely hope that they exist for those who do:

• Heaven for those who deserve it through their words and deeds
• Hell for those who think they deserve Heaven

I don't think that's too much to ask or even pray for.

Here now receive the inspiration for the post title. Go in peace.