Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Happy Hour Chronicles, No. 6: Snowmageddon Edition

The second wave of Snowmageddon is hitting right now, and as I survey my unplowed street, it brings to mind all that my county has done and has failed to do for me over the past year. On the positive side of the ledger, it has collected its share of my state and local taxes with such ruthless efficiency that I expected the county uniform to be the classic Brown Shirt. Always fashionable; looks smart with jackboots. It's too bad that Comcast cornered that market for its employees.

And where have they spent this minor fortune? They spent at least a share of it on driving this fortuneteller out of the county. And before that, the State intervened to drive roadside produce stands from the county. So far, so good. I feel as coddled as if my own mother were dictating my diet and shielding me from hucksters.

With these villainous acts under control, what is my county failing to do? They've certainly spent not a dime on squirrel eradication.

In addition, as I originally mentioned, we've had some decent snowfalls this winter by almost any standard--over 2 feet in 24 hours in December, 4 inches last week, and then about 27 inches in 24 hours last weekend. Through it all, my street was plowed zero times, although we were able to score one parked snowplow at the end of the street this morning and its driver, who professed that he was responsible only for the cul de sac that is the next block. On a related note, they've elected not to educate my children for even one day this week. Here's looking at you, school in July!

Like many communities, the county has also had a problem recently in getting a handle on its burgeoning bondage and discipline situation. This will presumably cut down on those pesky property tax receipts, and it may thereby forestall the agonizing that must go on at Rockville Government Center over whether there's enough money in the coffers to expel another gypsy to ply his trade in DC or Virginia. Then again, with the unplowed streets, suburban houses of BDSM are sure to wither on the vine.

I'm pleased to say that the happy hour this Friday, February 12, will be a true family affair, with my snow-crazed spouse and my two wild-eyed and recently uneducated children in attendance. In an effort to clean up the event for the youngsters, we're going back to where it all began, the original happy hour site at the Downtown Capital City Brewing Company--the one at 1100 New York Avenue, NW, and near the Metro Center Metro station. Please note, too, that we're starting this time only at the family friendly hour of 6:00. You'll find us seated at a table, trying to look like we'd rather not be at the bar.

Shoveling Update--2/10/10: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.


EMM said...

Another excellent post JWT. As this is closer to the metro and won't involve as much walking (plus no early dismissal on Friday), I will be there.

Added bonus, your lovely family.

My street has been plowed a number of times. The only downfall, my car is packed in until March. I do clean it off and start it everyday...don't want to think it is an igloo and not a car.


EMM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jjv said...

this Post is a tour de force. Really an incredible effort.

Dave S. said...

Re the update, I'll take the stairs, thank you.